Mastering Midlife with Heidi Blog
Insights to tackling life’s challenges with joy & staying true to yourself
This blog explores the harmful effects of people pleasing in midlife and offers a mindset shift to break free from it. It challenges the common people-pleaser question, “Do they like me?” and encourages a more empowering alternative: “Do I like them?” Breaking free from people pleasing takes courage and effort, but the result is more fulfilling connections and a stronger sense of self-worth.
If you’ve been living for everyone else and leaving yourself last, this is for you. Stop over-giving, quit comparing yourself to others, and start protecting your peace without feeling like you need to twist yourself into knots (figuratively or literally). Building boundaries and self worth work the same way: take small steps. Here’s 10 lessons I learned from hot yoga to start with!
Learning to set boundaries is an essential part of the journey to overcoming people pleasing … but after you’ve worked up the courage to say “no” once, what happens if you have to say it again? Learn how to enforce your boundaries without feeling rude or selfish— even with people you care about!
We humans tend to think we can control a lot of things, and one way we try to do that is through avoidance. Yet all this avoiding has a cost to us — we start to lose our authentic selves. Learn why we create these inauthentic relationships, 25 common things people avoid, and how you can break the avoidance cycle in order to live a life that's true to you.
People pleasers think setting boundaries are stressful, but NOT setting them leads to even greater strain as it causes constant overextension, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. Let's dive into what boundaries are, what leaky boundaries look like, and how you can set better boundaries in your life.
Why do we feel the need to apologize so much? This habit of over-apologizing is deeply rooted in our subconscious mind. Among other things, this mindset can prevent us from asserting our needs and boundaries, ultimately hindering our personal growth, self-confidence, and self worth. Learn the 5 reasons why and how you can start ditching your people pleaser need to over apologize.
Learn about how we were taught to feel guilty when we were young, how this impacts others areas of our lives, and 3 techniques for what to do instead. If you’re a middle-aged woman struggling with feelings of guilt or fear of being seen as selfish, this one is for you!
Boundaries are a set of guidelines that define how you want to be treated, protect your well-being, and ensure your needs are met. When our boundaries aren't sufficient, our bodies tell us. Learn what boundaries really are, the 5 red flags that your boundaries need to be fixed, and how I chose myself in a toxic relationship that didn't support my needs.
A common people-pleasing trait is to BELIEVE that the thoughts, opinions, and feelings of others are more important than our own. Yet our inner voice is vital to not only staying safe but finding happiness. How can we learn to trust ourself again as we recover from people pleasing in midlife?
As people pleasers, the disappointment of others can make us uncomfortable. We try to earn their happiness, their approval, their acceptance … but in the end, we end up feeling resentful because no one is returning the favor. In this blog, I challenge you to look at how you are impacting your happiness by creating this imbalance — not them.
If you’ve been a part of my midlife community for a while, you know that people pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination have gone hand in hand for me for most of my life. Let's explore perfectionism's impact and what we can do to move from exhaustion and shame to a healthier place.
I recently had a session with a people pleaser and we were talking about integrity. My client said they were great at staying committed to others, but not to themselves. They said, “I’m not hurting anybody if I break a promise to myself.” Do you feel like my client? If you break a commitment to yourself, you’re not hurting anyone? My question to you is: “Aren’t you hurting yourself?”
Like any negative habit, we sell ourselves stories about people pleasing to justify our behavior. By examining these people-pleasing myths, we can take in our landscape and ask ourselves: what’s really going on here? What do I need? Am I acting out of compassion or out of fear? Learn the 7 myths I hear more often about people pleasing and what they really mean!
Much of my life was controlled by my people-pleasing behaviors. From daily habits to long-term relationships, the real me was often kept hidden. I was a chameleon! Here’s the thing: people-pleasing is not naturally who we are. It’s a learned behavior meant to keep us safe. It’s the tendency for individuals to go out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of it’s hurting us.
Do you feel held back in your life by procrastination? As if you’re paralyzed by overwhelm and stressed out from putting things off? You may think procrastination is simply avoiding things we don’t like. Why do today what can be done tomorrow type of thing, right? The truth is procrastination is so much deeper than simply putting things off.
Typically the questions we ask ourselves start with ‘why’ and stem from frustration or disappointment. The worst part is, they can be harmful to our growth - especially for people pleasers. Read along to learn about the dangers of “why”, how people pleasers are especially vulnerable, and what to ask instead.
6 years ago, I hit my ultimate turning point that started me on a journey of healing. My 3rd husband had just walked out in a rage. I blamed him and his toxic, controlling behavior causing our marriage to fail. Yet in truth, it was MY unhealthy, codependent behavior that caused me to say ‘“I do” to him. I tried to keep the peace and not hurt his feelings, which people-pleasing traits.
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Everyone needs support
Claim your FREE Clarity Call with Coach Heidi
I can’t wait to connect with you!
Learn more about current programs
Get acquainted with my approach
Ask all your questions!
"I have been in therapy for the past 20 years. I felt like that process was a long term, fragmented reiteration of what has happened in the past. With very slow results and frustrating processes. This (coaching) process is much more fluid and interactive and really let me find my answers by exploration and visualization of a better outcome." — Kristi
This blog addresses the challenges and consequences of saying “yes” out of fear of disappointing others, highlighting how this habit stems from people-pleasing tendencies in midlife and imagined fears rather than reality. It explores how reluctant agreements can lead to resentment, burnout, and strained relationships while chipping away at self-esteem and authenticity.