Break Free from People Pleasing Through the Power of Community
Blog post by Heidi Gustafson
Mindset & Transformation Coach
Mastering Midlife with Heidi is dedicated to helping middle-aged women live their lives with confidence and joy, instead of merely surviving.
I’ve had many women tell me they’ve spent so much of their life and energy fulfilling the expectations of others that they have no idea what they want or need or like.
That they’re not even sure who they are anymore.
You’ve spent so much time doing everything for everyone to keep them happy and continually put yourself on the back burner, telling yourself you’ll take care of yourself tomorrow or when you have time.
And now you’re at a place where you thought you’d have that time or you DO have the time… and you feel guilty for spending it on yourself.
I also know that many of you have feelings you think are wrong to have, and because you don’t want to be perceived as bad, you don’t share the feelings with anyone and you stuff them inside. The problem with this is that this is negative energy building up inside you, causing you to be resentful, frustrated, and snappy at the people you love. I equate stuffing our feelings with being constipated. The toxins are just building up inside you and eventually will cause dis-ease.
What would it be like to be in a place where it was safe to share how you are feeling?
To not fear being judged, laughed at, or criticized for your feelings… and instead you are empathized with, understood, and supported.
A space where you felt FULLY seen and heard?
A meeting place where you can share your thoughts and struggles, and others empathize with you because they are dealing with something very similar.
This is the beauty of community.
Here are 7 benefits of being in a community of like-minded women all going through similar life experiences:
1 — Shared Understanding and Empathy
Sometimes our circle of friends lack the understanding and empathy needed for us to actually overcome what we’re going through. When a community is created with a purpose of healing people pleasing and self sabotage, everyone in the group is headed in the same direction and changes can be fast tracked.
2 — Safe and Judgment-Free Zone
An online community provides a safe space for women to express themselves without fear of judgment, allowing them to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly.
3 — Validation and Support
Through interactions with like-minded peers, in a community, you can receive validation for your feelings and experiences, helping you feel understood and less alone in your struggles. This is a place where your courage to share will be honored and supported.
4 — Personal Growth
Interacting with others who are also working on personal development can encourage you to reflect on your own behaviors, beliefs, and patterns, leading to meaningful personal growth.
A community can offer resources, tools, and strategies for overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, empowering members with practical skills to prioritize their own needs.
5 — Accountability
Being part of a community can provide a sense of accountability. Members may feel more motivated to work on changing behaviors when they know others are also striving towards similar goals.
6 — Lifelong Connections
Communities foster strong friendships and connections that extend beyond the virtual space, providing women with lasting relationships that support their growth.
7 — Increased Self-Worth
As members receive support, encouragement, and validation from the community, they may gradually develop a stronger sense of self-worth, reducing feelings of guilt and enabling them to prioritize themselves.
I know how much my life has been enriched in the last few years by the new online communities I’ve found myself in.
In each one, I’ve developed amazing bonds with women I would never have met had I not joined the group.
Many of these women I’ve now met in person and know that I can rely on to lift me up, encourage and celebrate me, lend me an empathizing ear, and for fun and laughter.
Most of my close current friends I’ve met through my involvement in a community. I even attend an online weekly dance party on Fridays where we celebrate our successes of the week and set our dream intentions.
These are some of the reasons I created The ‘Me First’ Community. It’s a safe place to share what you’re going through on your journey to overcoming people pleasing and prioritizing yourself. It’s also a space for you to get the support, love, and cheerleading you’ve been craving.
I know it takes courage to open up and be vulnerable with how you’re feeling and what you’re going through.
It takes a lot of guts to show up for yourself like that… and I honor you for taking the step.
Monthly Coaching Lives & Community
From people pleasing to burnout, boundaries to saying “no,” you’ll learn what it feels like to be empowered to speak up and start saying YES to yourself!
